Tag: patriarchy

Conservative Evangelicals, What Are You Afraid Of?

You want me to believe that your brand of faith is centered on love. That you love Jesus, love people, and love truth above all else. Yet, if I’m honest, so much of what I see in you is fear. Fear here, fear there, fear everywhere. Which makes it all the more confusing, given that your own Bible insists, “there is no fear in love.”

Like, I see you banning books. What are you afraid of? 

Is your truth so fragile, your parenting so ineffectual, and the power of your God so impotent that you can’t trust them to withstand the words, thoughts, perspectives, and experiences of others? What kind of love is that? With all due respect, it looks a lot like fear.

I see you standing against true human equality. What are you afraid of? 

Is your identity, faith, and sense of self-worth so brittle that you can’t love yourself without lowering others–lording and demanding your privilege and superiority above all. Do you not trust God to care for your needs while equally meeting the needs of others? Is your identity in Christ not enough for your security, satisfaction, peace of mind, and self-assurance when you compare yourself and your life to others? What kind of love is that? I gotta tell you, it looks a lot like fear.

I see you condemning, shaming, and marginalizing the LGBTQ community. I mean, really, what are you afraid of?

Is your own sexuality so in question that you fear your own truth? Is your faith so thin and your ignorance so thick that you actually believe that being LGBTQ is a kind of virus one can catch? Does the silence of Jesus on the subject and the false translations of Scriptures used to condemn the LGBTQ community scare you so much that you have to condemn the LGBTQ community yourself because you don’t want people to find out that the Holy Spirit doesn’t? What kind of love is that? In all honesty, my friend, it looks a lot like fear.

I see you pushing to nationalize your faith and force it upon society. What are you afraid of?

Is your Gospel, reputation, and “love” for others so unappealing and your Holy Spirit so uncompelling that you need to mandate your faith into the lives of others in order to preserve its existence and give you power? What kind of love is that? No doubt about it, it looks a lot like fear.

I see you resisting and abusing immigrants. You gotta be kidding me, what are you afraid of? 

Is your faith so dependent upon and protected by your brutal selfishness that to share space, blessings, dignity, respect, and existence with anyone different threatens the downfall of all of it? What kind of love is that? It looks a lot like fear.

I see you rejecting meaningful gun reform. My God, what are you afraid of? 

That your toxic version of masculinity, upon which your brand of faith was founded, won’t survive without guns and the ability to kill? That without the capacity to threaten, intimidate, use violence, and force yourself and your beliefs, you and your faith system have no defense or power? That your God is so impotent and feeble that He needs aggression, weapons of war, and male domination to do His will? What kind of love is that? No mistake, it looks a lot like fear.

I see you denying women’s rights. What are you afraid of? 

Is your faith so male-created, male-driven, male-codependent, male-insecure, male-immature, and male-fabricated that embracing the equal value, gifts, abilities, rights, respect, and dignity of women would send it crashing to the ground? Is your God so intimidated by females and insecure with His own divinity that He has to subdue and hide their true value, capacity, and power from the universe? What kind of love is that? There’s no denying, it looks a lot like fear.

I see you demonizing the poor and vulnerable. I mean, come on, what are you afraid of? 

That people will see that poverty is your creation, not the poor’s? That you could solve it, but choose not to? That you worship socialism for the top and harsh capitalism for everyone else? That you benefit from keeping the poor and vulnerable remaining poor and vulnerable? That your “success” and their “failure” comes from a rigged system that benefits you and unfairly burdens them? That your ultimate attraction to helping the poor and the less fortunate is in colonizing them into your faith Empire? What kind of love is that? It looks a lot like fear, and lots of it.

And then I see you embracing sin and spiritually justifying immorality when it serves your purposes. What are you afraid of?

Is your faith so impotent that it needs to cheat, steal, lie, bully, and deceive in order to get its way? Are righteousness, humbleness, holiness, kindness, and goodness not good enough for you? Is your God so weak, frail, and inferior that, at times, He needs to conspire with darkness and partner with evil in order to survive and achieve His will? What kind of love is that? Because it walks, talks, and looks a lot like fear.

For Jesus says nothing to condemn the LGBTQ community, nothing to ban books, nothing to stand against true human equality, nothing to nationalize your faith, nothing to resist and abuse immigrants, nothing to reject non-violence, nothing to deny women’s rights, nothing to demonize the poor and vulnerable, nothing to embrace sin and spiritually justify immorality. But instead, He demands in endless litany “do not fear.” 365 times. Over and over again.

Yet still, you choose to condemn the LGBTQ community, ban books, stand against true human equality, nationalize your faith, resist and abuse immigrants, reject meaningful gun laws, deny women’s rights, demonize the poor and vulnerable, and embrace sin and spiritually justify immorality.

There is no fear in love, but apparently, there is certainly fear in you.

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Grace is brave. Be brave.

 

Check out Chris’ latest book, Stupid Shit Heard In Church available on Amazon (link below)…

What people are saying:

“After reading just a few chapters, I had to schedule an appointment with my therapist, it’s that good.”

“This book is changing  the world.”

“Profound, life-changing; that says it all!”

 

 

 

No, We’re Not Denying God

You say we’re denying God, that we have rebelled and walked away. It so easily rolls off your lips. A go-to response against the things and people you seem to detest.

What you’ll never admit. The truth you’ll never face is that we’re not denying God, we’re simply denying you.

We’re walking away from a faith that makes us less like Jesus. A faith that hurts where it should heal and condemns where it should affirm. A faith that judges the world and excuses itself, instead of judging itself and seeing the good in the world.  A faith built on the pursuit of power over others instead of pursuing love and the humble serving of all humanity.

We’re not denying God, we’re just not following you.

We refuse to prequalify people for love. To live life on self-righteous terms. To exploit the vulnerable. To marginalize the different. To give safe harbor to racism and white supremacy. To serve barbaric systems of power-driven patriarchy. To bow to a spiritual narcissism that weaponizes the Bible, justifies your sin while condemning others, and turns God into a monster who seems to live only under the beds of those you deem to be the enemy.

You say we’re denying God. Nope, we’re just denying you.

We’re tired of playing church, and stacking the spiritual deck against the world on behalf of our benefit. We’re tired of “thoughts and prayers” that lack genuine care. We’re tired of a “pro-life” that is really just pro-your-life. We’re tired of prayer formulas, to-do steps, and a monsterous conditional god who is codependent on humanity to act so that He can.

So, perhaps stop blaming our lack of faith, and take a good look at the evil within yours.

Cause we’re not denying God, we’re simply denying you.

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Grace is brave. Be brave.

 

Check out Chris’ latest book, Stupid Shit Heard In Church available on Amazon (link below)…

What people are saying:

“After reading just a few chapters, I had to schedule an appointment with my therapist, it’s that good.”

“This book is changing  the world.”

“Profound, life-changing; that says it all!”

 

 

Toxic Masculinity From A Toxic God

*trigger warning: abuse

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Thoughts lead to feelings. Feelings lead to actions. Actions lead to attitudes. Attitudes lead to behaviors.

 

It’s no wonder that many within the conservative brands of Christianity have adopted a toxic masculinity not unlike the god in which they subscribe. Believing in a vengeful, callous, narcissistic, exclusive, male, and patriarchal god will most certainly lead to feeling and behaving in much the same way and defining masculinity with much the same attributes and attitudes.

 

With an insistence on a literal interpretation of the Bible and a claim to holding the one true understanding of it, many conservative Christians have shaped God into a white-bearded man who is always right, always justified in his actions no matter how questionable, has little to no compassion nor emotional connection, and gets what he wants when he wants it. It’s as if they have created God in their own image instead of embracing the image in which God has created all people. In fact, it’s interesting that, in their minds, God is somehow always supporting and siding with their thoughts, beliefs, actions, attitudes, and behaviors as if God is under their authority and direction instead of the other way around.

 

For when your best ideas for “masculinity” are to become more aggressive, controlling, forceful, stern, abrasive, self-centered, emotionally distant, and entitled while becoming less compassionate, patient, kind, gentle, loving, peaceful, sacrificial, and emotionally accessible. You have not only betrayed God’s design for all humanity, you are blaspheming the fruit of the Spirit and sabotaging their growth and manifestation in men. Period.

 

According to their own creeds, “In Christ, there is neither male nor female.” Men don’t get an exemption from being like Jesus nor an excuse for living in ways contrary to His graciousness, patience, humility, humbleness, tenderness, compassion, mercy, and softness. To pull these divine threads out of the tapestry of masculinity is to cut Jesus out of masculinity. You can’t be a male “in Christ” without them being lived and manifested in your life. Being a loving, peaceful, temperate, emotional, agreeable, nurturing, warm, and gentle person is not reserved for nor assigned merely to women. There’s nothing inherently complementarian about being male or female, there is only being fully human—with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

 

Make no mistake, what so many conservative Evangelicals fear most is men actually following and becoming like Jesus. All their power, privilege, patriarchy, sexism, racism, homophobia, transphobia, and bigotry rests on the spiritual and emotional immaturity of men. That’s why they fight so vehemently to control “masculinity” and the masculine narrative. Make God look like a man just like them, and their boys will become just like them too. Never let them see the true Jesus. Never let them think, feel, and behave beyond their testosterone-driven image. Never let them exchange a narcissistic, poisonous distortion of masculinity for the beauty of being Jesus—fully human; of and with the divine.

 

I remember the time, as a 10 year old, when I was frightened by the story of God drowning the people in the flood. My mother comforted me by saying, “God created rainbows to remind us He’d never do that again.” As if God just had a bad day, and accidently stormed out of heaven like a drunk stumbling out of a bar, and committed genocide. Nothing to see here. Nothing that a rainbow can’t fix. “I’ll never do it again, I promise” says God. “Boys will be boys” says Evangelicals. 

 

I also remember the time, as a 6 year old, when I walked down the stairs from my bedroom into the living room to see that my dad had my mom tied up with a rope on the couch. Their fighting had woken me up, again. When he saw me looking around the corner, he told me it was to “control her” because she was, “out of control.”

 

Ropes, rainbows—symbols of abuse, not care.

Promises from a narcissist of more narcissism, not change or hope.

Confessions of toxic masculinity born from a toxic God.

 

Love doesn’t need rainbows or ropes; manipulation or control, aggression or compliance.

Masculinity doesn’t either—it does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth

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Grace is brave. Be brave.

 

Check out Chris’ latest book, Stupid Shit Heard In Church available on Amazon (link below)…

What people are saying:

“After reading just a few chapters, I had to schedule an appointment with my therapist, it’s that good.”

“This book is changing  the world.”

“Profound, life-changing; that says it all!”

 

I’m So Exhausted

I’m so exhausted.

There are no other words. 

There’s no way around it, and I refuse to hide as if it’s shameful or indicative of some kind of deviance or weakness. 

So much hate everywhere. There is almost nowhere where it is not. Every crack, seam, crevice, platform, and instance. No more gowns and hoods. No more gloves or inside handshakes. No more concealment, embarrassment, brake pumping, or situational empathy. All out in the open, proudly parading in the light of day, longing for open spaces and closed minds. Zero to sixty at the drop of a hat. The curtain has been pulled back. The scab has been picked. The cancer has metastasized. The cover has been opened of the American sewer. Unrestrained, unchecked, and unabated hate of every kind, spewing everywhere. 

Sensory overload, news overload, trauma overload, opinion overload. “Do this, don’t do that” overload. Billboards, screens, “breaking news,” and algorithms raping our minds for every moment of our attention.

The rich get richer, the poor get poorer.
The oppressors keep winning, the oppressed keep suffering. Heartbreak and heavy lifting.

We’re all getting screwed. Everyone of us.

Only the few that hold all the cards are immune, drifting in yachts built by slavery ships and wooden canoes.

System after system designed to keep us dependent, compliant, and functioning just enough to serve their seven-deadly-sinning. Rats in a rat race designed by wolves. We are but cogs in the clock of those who rule our time.

The more we awake, the more they seduce our sleep. Distraction after distraction, dragging us around like dogs on a leash and spinning truth like a breakdancer on crack. 

 

Lies are approved. 

Violence is budgeted.

Oppression is focused-grouped.

Power and privilege are hoisted, legislated, and canonized as Scripture. 

 

I’m tired of face-slap debates, knees on necks, and people-erasing.

I’m tired of trucks with confederate flags flying and spiritualized patriarchy.  

I’m tired of Monday morning quarterbacking, Bible masturbating, and Transgender suicide legislating.    

I’m tired of “don’t say gay,” don’t see slavery, don’t learn history, don’t trust science, don’t question systems, don’t report abuse, don’t deny men, don’t read books, don’t resist injustice, don’t free think, and don’t believe the truth that you are truly seeing.  

 

Everywhere we turn. Every breath we breathe. It’s inescapable.

 

I’m so exhausted. 

You’re exhausted. We’re exhausted. 

It’s where we are, it’s who we are. 

It’s our teary-eyed, tired-eyed communal lament. 

It’s the closing of the blinds. The curling up into the fetal position. 

 

So, I’m listening to jazz again, returning my soul to a simpler time.

Taking in stories of enduring value, goodness, and humankind.

I’m turning off the news, the screens, and the voices wasting my time.

I’m protecting the streams stirring within me, welling up within me, and opening the door only when it’s time.

I’m resting more. Being careful more. Listening to me, more. 

To the blips on my own radar screen.

To my own pulse, presence, and people.

 

So, let’s rekindle, recalibrate, and renew together, that we might reconnect and resist all the more.

Cause I’m so exhausted, and I’m guessing you are too.

 

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Grace is brave. Be brave.

 

Check out Chris’ latest book, Stupid Shit Heard In Church available on Amazon (link below)…

What people are saying:

“After reading just a few chapters, I had to schedule an appointment with my therapist, it’s that good.”

“This book is changing  the world.”

“Profound, life-changing; that says it all!”

 

 

Essentials For Dealing With Christian Trump-Supporters

Let’s face it, living in MAGA world is vomitus. With every Trump tweet, gathering, speech, and interview, it all makes us want to sprawl feverishly to the barf bucket. Yet, perhaps what can even be worse, is finding ourselves in proximity and conversation with our Christian, Trump-supporting friends and family. From Facebook posts and pictures, to yard signs and flags, nothing triggers the gag reflexes more than a slice of white, conservative Christian, privileged pie. 

Most of us want to get along and find ways to create peace with all of our friends and family. But, when it comes to our Christian, Trump-supporting tribe, we find ourselves at a loss. We fidget, bite our tongues, look the other way, and Google search the best methods of people-avoidance, camouflaging an emotional breakdown, and stopping ourselves short from punching them in the throat.  

Are there any solutions for dealing with a Christian, Trump-supporter that can actually work without losing ourselves and our insanity? 

Here’s some ideas that are working for me.

1- Understand, You Won’t Change Their Mind-

If changing the mind of your Christian, Trump-supporting friends or family is your goal, chances are, you’ll be pitching a tent in the land of disappointment and frustration. To be sure, the rare moments when we influence change are wonderful, but harboring this expectation is often counterproductive.

Instead, set your mind on engaging your friends and family for other reasons such as a) being true to yourself b) standing in solidarity with those who are oppressed or have little-to-no voice c) or chasing evil out of the shadows. 

A change of mind most frequently happens when there has been a change of heart. A change of heart happens best when there has been an experience that causes the person to genuinely consider the possibility, ”Maybe I’m wrong?” Know for sure, that until this soul searching occurs with real motivation, a change of mind that turns a person away from supporting Trump is unlikely. Unfortunately, all the facts, statistics, and elegant arguments we bring to the table, matter very little (if at all).  

Remember, their change of mind and heart isn’t up to you, and certainly, it’s not your responsibility.  

However, the best way to lay the groundwork for transformation is to listen first and repeatedly put forth the question, “Help me understand…” For example, to your Christian, Trump-supporting friends or family members, you can ask, “Help me understand, how can you, as a Christian, support a President who displays so many attitudes and behaviors that are deemed immoral, sinful, and hateful in any religion, let alone Christianity?

Stick with that formula. Rinse and repeat. 

Listen and ask, “Help me understand…” 

Then, if you feel like responding, you can focus your response by staying true to yourself with words like, “I respect your views, but if you’re open, here’s what I think…” 

Or, you can focus your response by speaking up for those who have been oppressed or have little-to-no voice. For example, you could assert, “I just think it’s sad that we live in a country so obsessed with guns that children have to live every day in fear of school shootings.” 

Or, you can focus your response on chasing evil out of the shadows. For example, you could ask, “Why is it that 60% of conservative Christian pastors admit to having problems with porn and yet you support a President who has committed adultery multiple times and boasts of ‘grabbing pussy?’ Help me understand.”  

Whatever you do, as much as possible, stay calm and collected. Don’t become the evil done against you, and certainly, don’t lower yourself to their misery.

Chances are, you aren’t going to change their mind, but you will be able to look yourself in the mirror as you honor your soul, do your part to thwart the powers of evil, and let the least-of-these know (who are watching–and they are watching) that they have been heard and have a person in you who stands in solidarity with them and will be their voice where they have little-to-none.

2- Stop Talking About Jesus- 

When it comes to our conservative, Trump-supporting, Christian friends and family, we gotta stop talking about Jesus.

Why? Because, for many, they don’t give a rip about Jesus. Their support of Trump isn’t about Jesus and their faith hasn’t been either. If it were about Jesus, they wouldn’t be a right-wing, conservative Christian and they wouldn’t support Trump. 

So, instead, focus on their selfishness

Hold up a mirror to their unrelenting desire to lord their values and assert dominance in all of society, even at the cost, suffering, and unfair treatment of all others. Open the sewer of their insatiable hunger for white, conservative Christian privilege at the expense of the freedom and equality of others. Focus on their willingness to give unlimited pass to sin, immorality, violence, and duplicity in order to protect and prosper their way of living. Focus on their willingness to take up arms but refuse to wear masks. Focus on their willingness to let people suffer and die in the wake of their religious pursuits and ideologies. 

Focus on their racism. 

Pull back the scab of their hypocritical treatment of a black President over their lust for a lying, bullying, unrepentant, white President who beats the drums of nationalizing their faith. Focus on their willingness to allow (and even foster) systemic racism while turning a deaf ear to their white privilege. Open the playbook of their double standards towards their own protests versus the protests of the black community. Focus on their highjacking of America in hopes of ridding it of true diversity, human equality, and religious freedom.

Focus on their failure to love their neighbor as themselves

Shine a light on their unwillingness to welcome the foreigner, give hospitality to strangers, treat the immigrant as a citizen, heal the sick, feed the poor, and place their needs last and those of others as first. Expose their worship of economic systems that exploit the vulnerable, subdue the minority, and coddle the rich. Reveal their deep lack of love for their enemies and their allowance of violent, profane rhetoric towards those they hate. Focus on their microscopic policing of the lives of others while spiritually rationalizing their own debauchery. Pull back the curtain of their oppression of women and the LGBTQ community under the guise of asserting morality, when instead, it’s really about thwarting those who would threaten their patriarchy through the emergence of true equality.

Focus on their hate.

Focus on their brutality.

Focus on their inhumanity

Stop talking about Jesus.

Start talking about the hypocritical, selfish, racist, unloving, bullying, judging, and uncompassionate person their faith and support of Trump has led them to become.

3- Take The Abortion Card Out Of The Game-

You know as well as I do that white, conservative Christians would love for us all to believe that, despite some of them having a distaste for certain attributes of President Trump, they give their loyalty to him because they see him as anti-abortion and pro-life. In their reasoning, this issue supersedes all others. They argue that the protection and preservation of the most vulnerable of human life is paramount. 

Indeed, this justification by conservative Christians may help them feel good about themselves as they believe that they are taking the higher road and aligning themselves with the Bible and God’s will. However, in truth, for many, their stance against abortion is the ultimate cop-out. Where all other excuses for their support of Trump have revealed their hypocrisy, their position against abortion is the last card in their deck, and it too, is the ultimate bluff. 

To be sure, many progressives greatly dislike the idea of abortion, but also dislike the subjugation of women’s rights, the denial of science, and the belittling of medical truth, especially at the feet of a brutal, hypocritical, conservative Christian patriarchy. In fact, I’ve never met nor heard of any progressive, pro-choice person who cherishes the idea and act of abortion. For them, this issue of abortion is both complex, heart-wrenching, and grey in nature. 

However, this is not the case for much of white, male-driven, conservative Christianity. With their obvious preferences of school shootings over gun control, children in cages over welcoming the foreigner, police brutality over police accountability, mass incarceration over racial justice, a rich-favored economy over care for the least-of-these, the military industrial complex over universal healthcare and economic justice for all, and the worship of a god who joyfully sends those who don’t subscribe to their faith system to a hell of eternal torment, their priorities and values are crystal clear. There is almost nothing “pro-life” about right-wing, conservative Christianity. And quite frankly, when it’s all said and done, they don’t give a shit. With tremendous fear of losing control, power, and privilege, instead of coming clean of their duplicity, they cling all-the-more tighter to their MAGA hats. Indeed, their vehement declarations of being pro-life and anti-abortion are the ultimate cop-out. 

In fact, it should be of no surprise to anyone that, for many conservative Christians, their stance on abortion isn’t about being “for” Jesus, not even close. Instead, it’s about being “against” the full fruition of women’s equality, the sexual accountability of white men, and the cessation of their religious dominance to dictate the lives of all others. This is why they support Trump under the guise of being anti-abortion. Clearly, the only lives that matter to him are his own and that of white, male-driven, American, conservative Christians. There is almost nothing “pro-life” about the presidency of Donald Trump, and many white, conservative Christians are totally cool with that as long as he joins them and leads the way in dismantling the enemies of their pursuit of supremacy. 

When it’s all said and done, history and statistics tell the tale, many of our conservative, Trump-supporting Christian friends and family members are only as pro-life and pro-birth as it benefits their white, conservative Christian supremacy. Hard to hear, but true.

Trust me, if white, conservative Christian men could get pregnant, abortion would not only be legal, it would be biblical, easily accessible, and free. Not just that, but probably offered next to the church coffee shop or bookstore in the lobby after Sunday services. 

4- Love From A Distance- 

See, spiritual issues are huge, and anything to do with Trump is, at the heart, a spiritual issue. 

With our Trump-supporting Christian friends and family, asserting your beliefs and values is absolutely crucial. To not do so can mean leaving others in harm’s way because of our failure to resist. If we don’t take a stand, who will? 

However, when we keep our conversations with Trump-supporting Christians centered on the core issues of spirituality and integrity, we expose the cancer of their evil system of beliefs. When this happens and the truth is revealed, don’t be surprised when the gloves come off and the monster is unleashed. This can even become emotionally and physically violent and personal boundaries need to be set and respected.

Most certainly, as courageous as we want to be, there is a time to step back from the battle and love from a distance. When a person’s behavior or words become harmful to you or others, there can be no more “agree to disagree.” In those moments, it may be very important to continue to assert your views, but from an emotional and even physical distance. To do so is not giving up or bowing down to their views. Instead, it’s either creating space to stay in the game for the long term, or acknowledging that the circumstances are simply beyond your influence. 

The noble goal that declares, “I am not going to let politics come in between my relationships” is admirable, but often unrealistic and even cowardly. These are highly critical times and highly critical issues that define who we are and desperately affect the lives of many. Taking a stand is absolutely essential if the context for change is ever going to be established. Unfortunately, this can cost the price of important relationships, even family. Yet, this is a cost that must be paid. Thankfully, where possible, loving from distance can allow the needed separation without completely abandoning the relationship.

Yet, sometimes you have to pull the parachute before you crash into the ground. Walking away from debates, arguments, guilt trips, passive aggressiveness, and outright evil before they destroy you must be an option on the relationship table. If being you requires appeasing them, it’s time to love from a distance. Perhaps, a very long emotional, spiritual, and physical distance.

Indeed, these are relationally anxious, stressful, and divisive times that cut the core of who we are, what we believe, and what we value. 

Now more than ever, it’s time for us to take our stand.

Be you. 

Believe what you believe.

Find your voice.

Stand for the least-of-these.

Never give up, and never give in.

 

Grace is brave. Be brave. 

 

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