I’m So Exhausted

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I’m so exhausted.

There are no other words. 

There’s no way around it, and I refuse to hide as if it’s shameful or indicative of some kind of deviance or weakness. 

So much hate everywhere. There is almost nowhere where it is not. Every crack, seam, crevice, platform, and instance. No more gowns and hoods. No more gloves or inside handshakes. No more concealment, embarrassment, brake pumping, or situational empathy. All out in the open, proudly parading in the light of day, longing for open spaces and closed minds. Zero to sixty at the drop of a hat. The curtain has been pulled back. The scab has been picked. The cancer has metastasized. The cover has been opened of the American sewer. Unrestrained, unchecked, and unabated hate of every kind, spewing everywhere. 

Sensory overload, news overload, trauma overload, opinion overload. “Do this, don’t do that” overload. Billboards, screens, “breaking news,” and algorithms raping our minds for every moment of our attention.

The rich get richer, the poor get poorer.
The oppressors keep winning, the oppressed keep suffering. Heartbreak and heavy lifting.

We’re all getting screwed. Everyone of us.

Only the few that hold all the cards are immune, drifting in yachts built by slavery ships and wooden canoes.

System after system designed to keep us dependent, compliant, and functioning just enough to serve their seven-deadly-sinning. Rats in a rat race designed by wolves. We are but cogs in the clock of those who rule our time.

The more we awake, the more they seduce our sleep. Distraction after distraction, dragging us around like dogs on a leash and spinning truth like a breakdancer on crack. 

 

Lies are approved. 

Violence is budgeted.

Oppression is focused-grouped.

Power and privilege are hoisted, legislated, and canonized as Scripture. 

 

I’m tired of face-slap debates, knees on necks, and people-erasing.

I’m tired of trucks with confederate flags flying and spiritualized patriarchy.  

I’m tired of Monday morning quarterbacking, Bible masturbating, and Transgender suicide legislating.    

I’m tired of “don’t say gay,” don’t see slavery, don’t learn history, don’t trust science, don’t question systems, don’t report abuse, don’t deny men, don’t read books, don’t resist injustice, don’t free think, and don’t believe the truth that you are truly seeing.  

 

Everywhere we turn. Every breath we breathe. It’s inescapable.

 

I’m so exhausted. 

You’re exhausted. We’re exhausted. 

It’s where we are, it’s who we are. 

It’s our teary-eyed, tired-eyed communal lament. 

It’s the closing of the blinds. The curling up into the fetal position. 

 

So, I’m listening to jazz again, returning my soul to a simpler time.

Taking in stories of enduring value, goodness, and humankind.

I’m turning off the news, the screens, and the voices wasting my time.

I’m protecting the streams stirring within me, welling up within me, and opening the door only when it’s time.

I’m resting more. Being careful more. Listening to me, more. 

To the blips on my own radar screen.

To my own pulse, presence, and people.

 

So, let’s rekindle, recalibrate, and renew together, that we might reconnect and resist all the more.

Cause I’m so exhausted, and I’m guessing you are too.

 

.

Grace is brave. Be brave.

 

Check out Chris’ latest book, Stupid Shit Heard In Church available on Amazon (link below)…

What people are saying:

“After reading just a few chapters, I had to schedule an appointment with my therapist, it’s that good.”

“This book is changing  the world.”

“Profound, life-changing; that says it all!”

 

 

9 Comments

  1. gerri Michels

    I AGREE! NOW IS THE TIME TO FOCUS ON GETTING OTHERS IN THE KINGDOM OF GOD AND POINTING IN THAT DIRECTION . WE ARE IN THE LAST DAYS,… I AM FEELING AS YOU ESPECIALLY WHEN THE CHURCH POINTS IN THE WRONG DIRECTION! WE MUST JUST POINT THE WAY !

    • ckratzer

      Gerri, thanks for reading and commenting.

  2. Ron J

    We are truly all exhausted. The only solution is to back off from engaging and only focus on those things within our realm of control. They might not seem to amount to much as there are so many things outside of our control. We should cut off contact with toxic people and situations as much as possible. Try to surround ourselves with people who nurture us. Avoid the temptation to give opinions on things, especially to those who are contrary to us. And we need to just be kind to ourselves. As the old airline saying goes, “Take your oxygen first.”

    • ckratzer

      Ron, thanks for your thoughtful comment. The essence of this post isn’t to surrender, but to do the necessary self-care to renew and recalibrate so that we might reconnect and resist yet again.

  3. Lily Davis

    You’re dead on with your assessment. As for the remedy, I can listen to the jazz, and the uplifting stories, and I can rest more.

    What I cannot do is turn off the news, the screens, and the voices wasting my time. Not entirely, anyway. Because Know Your Enemy. And loved ones of my own who have sought peace, and found it, by tuning out are too often blindsided when I reference something in today’s current events that they were completely unaware of, because they were living mostly their more peaceful lives without the constant intake of the good, which one must separate out from the bad to gather the wheat from the chaff.

    I have to Know My Enemy to find my own peace. It’s brutal, but less brutal than not knowing what I’m up against at any given time.

    And I’m not saying it’s not toxic, knowing your enemy, because I’m sure it is. I just don’t believe that being oblivious to it is a better option. Somebody has to keep paying attention. At this point, I trust me the most to do that.

  4. Elaine

    I’m also so tired of seeing people misusing Faith- the hypocrisy is frightening. Social media has become a scourge to society. The teachings of Jesus are so simple, and yet so simply ignored.

  5. Jerry

    It *is* okay to surrender, though.

    No, really. You don’t have to find the strength to stand up against tyranny, to fight and defeat the oppressor, to chastise the privileged. If you find you’re doing that, and it’s grinding you down to nothing, then something must have gone wrong, because you can lay down those burdens and surrender all of it; they aren’t yours to carry. No more than your pride or the burden of your sin are. You have already surrendered those things, haven’t you? So simply remember: you surrender it all, to the Lord. He is the strength that you need, so if it’s draining yours, that’s a sign that something is not right here. Have you perhaps stopped following, and started trying to steer? That will certainly wear you out quick. Or, are you just taking too much on your own head? Whatever’s the case, you don’t have to be careful not to surrender; you can surrender it all completely. You will not fail God. His kingdom *will* come. All of these things that look so wrong are inverted and will not look right until the last are first and the first are last. You can rest, assured, it’s on its way. So, whenever you’re weary, rest. Take a deep breath and remember none of those burdens belong to you. Lay them down and walk renewed.

  6. Deb

    Chris, you have captured my thoughts exactly, but I didn’t realize it until I read this. Thank you! My only quibble with your piece is the idiots you refer to actually DO question systems, but they wrongly accuse of fraud or abuse the systems in place that ARE working or are works in progress in our society–elections, justice, minority rights and democracy itself, for example. But you are certainly correct in suggesting that the haters DO NOT want thinking people questioning an inherent system of white patriarchy.

  7. Stephen Brent Rodriguez-Plate

    Thanks, Chris. You’ve expressed so much of what I’m feeling these days too. I only nominally belong to “the Church” these days, but much of my heart wants to be part of it. Or something that is in the interests of other people and not just about individual freedom. Which may be my local bowling league. Sigh.

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